There is no doubt that entering college marks an entirely new chapter of your life. I can attest to the newfound sense of freedom, friendships, independence, and personal responsibility that I felt when beginning college. After all, it’s the place to discover your passions and begin working towards your future. And along with it comes new relationships, experiences, and struggles. I’m going to be a senior this year, so I’ve learned a thing or two about navigating my new adult(ish) life in college. The one thing I can say transformed me the most was learning how to set healthy boundaries.
Becoming familiar with boundaries is key to stepping gracefully into young adulthood. As I’ve reflected on my three years in college, I’ve realized how important the role of setting boundaries has played in helping me sustain healthy relationships and habits. For example, many of you may experience living with a roommate for the first time. Not only must you become clear on what your personal boundaries are, but you also need to learn that of your roommates as well and how to respect them. What’s okay with you may not be for them. Don’t assume you can borrow their perfume just because you enjoy sharing yours. Don’t be afraid to speak up against your roomie’s partner always coming to stay over. The more clearly you communicate, the safer a space you will cultivate for the both of you, and you will avoid unwanted resentment brewing between each other.
Boundaries within your social relationships are important too. I remember when I was with my first boyfriend in college, all I wanted to do was spend time with him and hang out at his place every day. I soon learned that it is important to keep a healthy boundary between my personal time and time with my partner. Without a healthy boundary, you may sacrifice other significant needs, like time spent with friends and self-care. The same goes for friendships; agreeing to go out every night may lead to suffering in your grades, health, and routine. You can solve this by creating and maintaining firm boundaries when it comes to bedtime, what nights are for hanging out and what nights are for staying in, and limits on certain social activities. Other boundaries may include agreeing to switch off whose place is the hangout spot, or who is driving during a hangout. If you find yourself constantly being the friend who is offering up their space, debit card, and car, you may need to set some boundaries. True friends/partners will understand, and your relationships will improve in the long run!
Lastly, boundaries are incredibly important if you decide to hold a job during the school year. Many students decide to work while attending college, including me. Looking back, I wish I had set stronger boundaries when it came to my work hours. Afraid that I would lose the position I felt lucky to snag, I eagerly agreed to whatever hours they offered, hoping to make a good impression. This meant agreeing to show up very early in the morning, which I am not very keen to. I would show up feeling groggy and unkempt, and be totally exhausted during my classes later in the day. This year, when I return to work, I will make sure to be honest with myself about my morning capabilities, and I will set a firm boundary about hours with my employer.
Learning to implement boundaries in my daily life has been an empowering journey. It has taught me self-respect and self-autonomy, and it has helped me build the strongest friendships I have ever experienced. Boundaries have also helped my dorm life go smoothly and help me navigate newfound relationships in a healthy way. As you move through your college experience, take into consideration what boundaries you may need to put in place to help you take control of the chaos!
Jenaveve (she/her) is a 2020 graduate of Marshall Fundamental. She is currently enrolled at Cal Poly Pomona studying anthropology and loves every minute of it. CAP played a huge part in empowering her to get on top of college applications and finding a place that’s perfect for her. She feels ambitious about learning and impacting the world in a positive way, not to mention all the amazing new friends she’s made along the way. Jenaveve’s hope is to spread the same support she felt from CAP to current seniors, and help them understand that one’s life path can take on many different forms! Jenaveve is also involved in campus anthropology clubs and is always seeking out new opportunities to learn and grow. She wishes luck to all current students of any status in reaching their goals.
